... night time... calmness... silence... i dun noe where to begin... i am not sure what exactly what to type... had 3 dreams on my trip abroad... 3 different dreams and 2 different replies... strange... the feeling towards her... it's slowly coming back... very slowly... tt eagerness to see her in my dreams... tt little joy tt i feel inside of me when she is there beside me in my dreams... not real, but yet so lucid... it's a feeling tt i have felt before and i noe what it is... it's the feeling tt you get when you like someone and you long for tt person's presence... tt feeling of love... but why? why am i having tt feeling? i dun noe... i'm confused... have i not gotten over her yet? have i not told tty time and again tt i only treat her as a good friend? and yet... .........

i had sms-ed her before i left for my trip... told her tt i had liked her before.... before? ... i asked if she had ever liked me before too... whether it had ever been mutual... she didn't reply and still hasn't yet... why am i typing all these stuff? am i trying to show a point? i dun noe... i dun have an answer... maybe... maybe i'm just trying to let someone noe... anyone... noe what i feel... there is this drop of tear in my heart... long is the time tt i have last since cried... what am i sad about? ......... i think i have changed a lot during the last few years... has my heart gone cold... unfeeling towards the pletora of emotions around me... the occasional smile only serves to mask what i feel inside... loneliness... but no... if u think tt i am suicidal... no... at least not at the moment... just sad... and lonely... u noe wat i am talking about... it's not the company of my parents tt i am talking about here...

feel tt these 2 years have generated friendships tt generally have been superficial... didn't really bother to immerse myself in the activities around me... haha... well... it's playing wei2 yi1 on my media player now... quite fitting... the song lyrics... well... suddenly thought about tty... never fail to constantly ask me about my relationship with her... specific questions... but do we always have to have a clear answer to every question? maybe... at least it makes the whole picture clearer... ......... the nite is late... i wonder what i will dream of tonite...