so last sat was the first NDP CCR rehearsal... got to get a preview of the mobile column... cool... probably 100 different varieties of vehicles and 250 vehicles in total... a great eye fest... bionix, tank, engineer bridge vehicles tt weigh a whopping 60 tonnes, tonners, fire engines, 'red rhino', police riot vehicle... the list goes on... whole drive past lasts about 22-24min... pretty impressive... as per the previous mobile column, this year's will see the vehicles split up into the central, eastern and western routes... i'm not sure about the exact routes tt they will be taking though... will continue to keep u updated! keep a look out for my posts every wkend! hopefully i'm not too tired to blog, tt is...

outings should be organised by the busiest person... irony heh? but it is the schedule of the busiest person tt the rest have to accomadate to, isn't it? the JT outing has been long overdue and it's still on "pending" status... haiz...

to lei cube: next sun i not free... maybe can meet up on sat... see how la... some one take the initiative to organise leh... me tired of organising outings tt dun happen in the end... and advance booking of dates with ppl dun work, esp with kian pok and a few other ppl whom i noe...

i feel tt i'm an anti-social person... have had turned down several invitations to outings... maybe it's the people who are going... maybe it's the activities tt they do... maybe it's just me...

if u noe me long enough, u must have seen me doing things tt are out of the blue... shocking things tt u'll never expect would come from me... have you ever sat down and then suddenly there is this briefing... everyone stands up to hear... u are not involved and u continue sitting down... but the person who is briefing is just standing beside u... the whole world around u is busy with activity, yet u make no movement... weird, anti-social me...

someone just invited me to go out tml... not sure if i'm going... perhaps i should... just to breathe the air of the outdoors...

hmmm... two rare bloggers suddenly blogging... and on matters of the heart... before i go on any further, it's really tiring to manage human relationships at times... want to talk about smth which i wrote before... on the ppl who read my blog... i believe i have a new reader of my blog... very inquisitive person... hope i dun get bugged by the person asking me about the things in my blog... (not talking about u lei cube... talking about some one else)... certain things are only meant to be seen/heard/read by certain ppl... so only the people tt i intend my posts for will understand wat i'm talking about... although most of the time my posts are meant for everyone...

to brandon: "feelings can be nurtured over a period of time"... i haven really experienced tt before... but i can tell u one thing... there's also a saying "time will make blend everything"...

have been having conversations with diff ppl lately... a common sentiment struck me... they had relationships tt did not work out and they were wondering if they would go into another relationship (if at all) soon... it's the transition between the first relationship to the next... perhaps it's a fear tt the next relationship would not work out well too and tt they are afraid to be hurt... wat then, if it was love at first sight and a deeply rooted liking for the person is formed, only for the relationship to not work out? i cannot envision how feelings can be nurtured over a priod of time, but i hope it will happen to me...

similar things happening to both of my friends... luckily, it did not happen to me... suddenly brought back to my thought on whether ppl of the opposite sex can really just be gd friends... v gd friends i mean...

the best tt i can do is to provide advice... wat happens next is really dependent only on those persons involved...

It has been a long time since i last blogged..... NOW I AM BACK!!!!!!
Haiz... Why sigh? Cos i am very confused, confused about my emotional feelings........ Until now, i still have feelings for her... But i shouldn't, cos she is attached and i very well know she will never be wif me...
It all started during the 1st 3 months of JC life.... I was with the same class wif her. Her behaviour is very diff from most girls: not the usual demure and quiet type, but rather chatty and lively, and sometimes a bit naughty. Tat is why i liked her... I never told her my feelings at that moment cos i wanted to know about her... As days passed by, my feelings grew stronger...
Alas! My O'level results were out and it made me able to change my course of study... Though reluctantly to seperate from her, i still continued to change cos i really want to study that course(triple sci) for i have been studying for the past 2 years.... Despite being in diff classes, i still missed her and even contacted her.... Den finally one day, i could hold back no more and told her how i felt abt her....
"Sorry, i am attached...." These 4 words came crashing down on me, very very very hard.... I cried.. But what is the use? Even though she knew i liked her, she didnt avoid me like most girls would do if they knew someone whom they dun like is interested in them.... At least that was a consolation, but a very small one......
2 months later, she told me she broke up... I was happy and tot there was hope for me....
But, NO!!! I WAS TERRIBLY WRONG!!!!! I WAS STUPID TO THINK OF THAT!!!!!
I was having my badminton training at the bishan sports hall one day... and she happened to be at bishan MacDonalds studying.... So after my training, i tot of going over to see her for a while... Den i decided to call to tell her... She sounded reluctant, and guess what she told me?
She was wif her bf....... Both patched up.... Lost... All is lost...... Naive.... How naive i was.....
From den onwards, i tried to keep my distance away from her, but my heart doesn't seem to listen to my mind... I liked her even more knowing that the fact that i and her were impossible....
As a result of my one-sided love, i suffered tremendously.... It affected my results... Throughout my JC life, i was like a miserable heart-dead man.... WHY I CANT LET GO??????
When the A'levels appraoched, i focussed on my studies and at that point in time, i temporarily got her out of my mind.... She also didnt contact me..... I was nonchalant abt it for my mind is too preoccupied wif the big exam...
After the exam, i waited for my military conscription.... Maybe cos i havent tot of her for a long time, tat is why i seemed to have forgotten abt her.....
During my BMT, i missed a lot of pple: my friends, relatives, parents and ...her... I decided to call her.... She was surprised.... We chatted and decided to meet each other during my block leave....
Ever since i met her that time, we started to contact each other more often.... And at that period of time, it is apparent that i have learnt to let go cos everytime i met her, or speak to her, there was no more the excitement or zeal that i once possessed.... I really treat her like a friend, just another close friend to whom i can tok to....
There is this chinese saying :"Feelings can be nutured over a period of time"... Yes i started to get that feeling back..... The feeling of wanting her to be wif me.... WHY IS HEAVEN MAKING FUN OF ME??????
I am having terrible headaches.... Why do i still feel for her? WHy sometimes i am able to let go and sometimes i crave for her? This is killing me.... I feel like being in a blender, all the feelings are blended....
Stop treating me as ur close friend anymore... I cant accept the fact that u are so close to me yet so far.... Do you know it hurts me very much when every time i am out wif you, you receive calls from ur bf?
Stop telling me u need my support when u can actually get it from ur bf ....
Stop crying to me and whining to me all ur grievances..... i am not in the position to hear all that, i dun deserve all that...
I tried telling her all these, but i just couldnt bring myself to do it.... I am afraid of losing her... I am afraid of letting go....
I know i should be moving on but i think that will have to wait when i am out of army and into uni... Maybe when that time comes, i should be really able to let go....

Haha, induce? How to induce. Induce what? I think u are interpreting it wrongly... but nvm let's not dicuss about it here..

went out with bra and tty yesterdae... went to lido to catch a movie... my radar must have been spoilt (as usual), as i almost missed sighting yixiang and his gf and walking past them if not for tty and bra alerting me...

watched amityville horror... filled with horror scenes from pretty much the beginning till the very end... a short movie... a so-so show...

pretty much undecided on wat to do after the movie... went to esplanade in the end... never been inside there b4, so went there to see see look look... then drifted to marina south, where tty suggested conducting a survey to see where the guy in a couple stand, whether on the left or on the right... so after viewing 36 couples, we biasly concluded tt guys tend to stand on the left side... left:right = 24:12... prof tty then suggested tt it's because guys use their master hand to hold the girl's hand... lol... maybe we can conduct another survey to verify tt...

to ju-zi: glad tt u like the song too! about the outing on next sun, see how first lo... u want a simple dinner only or smth else? was wondering if we could go canoeing or wat... yes!!! haven done tt for some time liao...

think i'll blog about the unpleasant stuff 1st... didn't noe tt my perception of another person can change so easily... being quite a neutral person, i've been hearing a lot of things about different persons from different groups of people... this group of people will say X about this person and another group of people will say Y about this same person... needless to say, X and Y are pretty conflicting, opposing views...

makes me think about my personal view of tt person, often either X or Y, seldom Z... and y people see a person in a different light from me... sometimes the opposing view can be quite disturbing and in some cases, shake yr personal view on a person... this happened to me once in the recent weeks... the same actions done by a person, but starkingly interpreted in different manners by the people around him... my view is shaken...

was really pissed on wednesday... it all began with this sissy... (see 5/9/04 post)... discriminatory, unashamedly-think-he's-so-capable-and-smart-and-everyone-else-is-brainless-and-useless (note: i didn't come up with the words in the hypenated chain, i quote him), pathetic no ba**s act got ba**s sissy (sensored)...

i v v nearly exploded in his face but decided tt i would just be wasting my energy on some piece of f*** s***... the most discriminatory person i've seen to date, he thinks tt people with educational qualifications lower than him are lower beings... shall not waste any more blog space here talking about this guy...

to tty: quite lame actually, am talking to u on msn now but not replying to yr post via there... i do bo liao things... as confirmed by bra yesterdae, in reference to my sms to both him and u... lmao... lame sms...

aniway, if u are talking about who i think u are talking about, i think it's better to take things into yr own hands... procrastination can hurt... u noe tt... do u really want to wait for the thing to happen, or do you want to induce it yrself... cause hurt to yrself instead of waiting for the person to inflict it on u?

Its been a long time since I last appear on any blogs... now I've got I dunno how many months worth of thoughts haha..

Brandon where are you too? Why have you stopped blogging?

Life is really suffering.

How many times in life you were upset compared to the time you were genuinely happy?

Happiness is hard to achieve yet so easily destroyed... and disappointment, sadness takes over.

Why is it that bad stuff are always happen so easily while good stuff actually requires alot of effort to achieve? Why is the world like that??

After such a long time, is it really going to end? I think so... no matter how much I don't want that to happen.. But it WILL happen!

One of the few times in life when I really feel scared afraid and frightened... Its coming... I can see it coming but there's no way I can stop it.. so helpless and hopeless.. its so intimidating when you can't do anything about it... argggh..

Imagining losing a loved one, maybe you don't have to you've already experienced it, like I've almost when my grandma went for a heart op. Her second one... and carries a high risk.. that was my closest experience to losing a loved one..

Althought her op was successful... now I am facing yet another impending loss..

Its really very scary..

WO BU YAO!!!!

nothing much to blog about lately... so will just prob keep it tt way till i start going for the ndp rehearsals i suppose...

yeah! finally managed to get my hands on the song lover's concerto... love to listen to certain songs when it's raining... this is one of them... i call them the rainy day songs... other such songs include stef sun's tong2 lei4 and the previously mentioned evelyn tan's song...

ya... xi4 shui3 chang2 liu2 is also a nice song... ^5... belong to those xiao4 yuan2 ge1 qu3... i also like to listen to those class of songs... they dun talk about love, but other simple, nice things... qiu1 chan2 is another of those xiao4 yuan2 ge1 qu3...

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp personality test... i'm a ISTJ... sian la... was posting the results of my test here and then the com just hanged up on me... now lost the exact break down of my results... http://typelogic.com/istj.html, http://keirsey.com/personality/sjit.html the descriptions are pretty true, i must say... though i dun understand wat the 2nd half of the former webpage is talking about ie. the functional analysis...

congrats!!! if this is the first time visiting my blog tt is... i've added a song to an already take-ages-to-load bloggy... haha... so give yrself a pat on the back... anyway, i couldn't get the songs tt i wanted... actually had planned to put the song as lover's concerto, but couldn't find where to dl it... then didn't noe how to get evelyn tan's song from the cd to the com... forgot wat's the song name... smth like deng3 ni3 de4 xiao1 xi4 or smth like tt... a v little known but nevertheless nice song... wanted to have a song tt didn't have a climax as my blog song... didn't want it to be v 'loud', just plain melodious and simple will do...

put up an outdated post on april 10...